The Universe of the Pink Chicken
by Prizma
Summary: Read and find out. Come on. Ya know ya want ta. Are you Bangable enough! Can you take the chi? Enter and find out.


A Fushigi Yugi fanfic like you've never seen before...  
  
THE UNIVERSE OF THE PINK CHICKEN  
by Megumi Chiba and AkiOni Wasabi  
  
Megumi and Aki, two average American teen-age girls are about to set out on the most amazing adventure of their lives...  
  
  
"Megumi-chan, Aki need some sexy men flesh!"  
"But Aki," Megumi said, "sexy men are only in anime, books and on balconies of London hotels."  
"Well then," Aki fisted her hands, "We'll just have to capture them somehow!" She paced, mouth foaming with the passion of her speech. "I need slaves for my isle o' men!"  
"Umm..." Megumi rolled her eyes into her head and thought, "I bought some books in Europe..."  
"Ohhh? Hmm, well I guess if you can't get in real life, paper will just have to do." Aki placed her hands on her hips. "Alright- show me the goods!"  
"Let me read." Megumi cleared her throat. "'This is the story of a girl. Who cried a river and drowned the whole world.'"  
"That's bull! You're makin' it up! That's a song!"  
"That's what it says! I swear! Now-"  
All of a sudden they were surrounded by a pink light...   
  
  
Aki finds herself alone in the wilderness, with nowhere to go...  
  
Aki shuffled her way down the middle of a rutted dirt road. Not only did she not have a sexy man but she couldn't find Megumi!  
Cursing under her breath, colorfully enough to make the plants on either side to wither. "All I want is an island filled with sexy half naked men! Is it too much to ask? I've been good! I'm well mannered!" An object caught her eye. It was the size of her palm with a single white needle that showed against a black background. Labeled a the top were the words "SEXY MAN" in bold pink letters.  
"Well spank me! It's a compass to males that can pleas my yearning eyes!" She narrowed her eyes. "Show me a sexy man!" A pink light engulfed her and then a sudden hot liquid. Now sick demented reader, you are more than likely thinking she's wet herself BUT it is not so. HA! Aki found herself submerged in a bubblebath. She rose sputtering to the surface, hair hanging in her face. A blurry figure took shape before her through the sopping strands of her red hair. A man so gorgeous it should be a sin to look so damn good!  
  
  
Meanwhile Megumi hooks up with an astrologer and gets herself arrested!  
  
"Ronan Chickenfarmer. You are charged with practicing astrology with out a license. A one year curse will be put on you. you will grow a feather every time you tell a lie. And as for your friend-"  
"Wait! No!" Megumi jumped up. "I'm innocent, I swear! One minute I was in my room reading this book and the next I fall on top of this guys tent-"  
"Take them away!" a magistrate yelled.  
"You've got to believe me!" she yelled as they were pulled away. "Honestly, I just mphh!" A guard put his hand over her mouth to stop her from talking. Still struggling, she was pulled away with Ronan to the dungeon.  
The magistrate chuckled. "Reading books and falling out of the sky. Everybody wants to be a priestess. Majesty?"  
The Emperor looked deep in thought. "Huh? Oh, yes, we quite agree."   
  
  
Before she knows it she's the Priestess of the Pink Chicken, with seven of her own senshi...  
  
Ni sighed. "I'm a senshi for one of the ancient other gods. The chicken god of north-north-east. I'm just waiting for the Priestess to show up one day."  
"Well that would be me," Megumi stood up and stuck out her hand. "Megumi Chiba, Chicken no Miko."  
"What?" Ronan said.  
"Did I forget to tell you?" Megumi pretended to be surprised he didn't know. Ronan just lifted up his sleeve revealing a pink character on his shoulder.  
  
  
She the Suzaku and Seiryuu senshi like you've never seen them before...  
  
"Suboshi,"  
Aki's eyes widened. "Huh? How are you there? AND HERE! AHHHHHH I've gone crazy! I'm seeing two of them!" she cried. "Maybe I'm dieing ..maybe I've been pinned under this guy for weeks and weeks and now I'm dead...oh to die so young and still a virgin!"  
Suboshi was being lifted from her by the other boy. He held out a hand to help her up and saw that her hands were bound.  
"Two...twins? AHHH!! Identical twins! Oh wow! I've always had a fantasy of sexy twins! Is this heaven?! Screw life and un-taken virginity! Thank you god for giving me this double image of divine sexiness!"  
"Who are you?"   
"Aki Oni Wasabi!" she piped.   
"I'm Amiboshi, Suboshi's twin brother. May I ask why you were laying in the dirt with my sleeping brother?"  
"He's not sleeping. ya see.." Aki told him the whole story starting from the kidnapping to the kick in the balls. "Wow you're alot friendlier then your brother. So are you gonna untie me and let me go?"  
"I'd like to but I really need your help. You see, the only reason my brother was acting so evil is because he thinks the Suzaku senshi killed me. I hate being a senshi to Seiryu and having to worry each night about Nakago trying to....take advantage of my brother or I."  
"Oh my god! That Nakago tried to get into your pants!"   
"Yeah..he's this horny blond haired freak, who likes to crush canaries in his hand..and all other forms of sick past times. But if you come with me, as a fake prisoner, and help me kill him, my brother and I will help you in your quest." Amiboshi laid a hand on her shoulder. "Please help me destroy the blonde queer once and for all."  
  
  
"And so then these other guys tried to rape and beat me, but then Tamahome came and saved me again." Miaka stopped talking for a minute to gobble down some food. Megumi didn't touch anything except some ramen.  
"Are you gonna eat that?" Miaka asked, interrupting Megumi's thoughts.  
"Uh no," she replied pushing the ramen bowl closer to Miaka, "you finish it." Then she turned her head away. She couldn't stand to see this girl eat.  
Suddenly the door burst open. "Miaka!" the guy yelled. She ran to him and jumped into his arms. Megumi groaned. She was gonna kill this girl if she didn't get away soon. First the girl is a gluttonous flake, and now she gets a really hot boyfriend? Why couldn't she just fall out of the sky on a cute guy?  
"Miaka," Tamahome suddenly broke apart from Miaka and spoke sternly. "Two prisoners just escaped from the dungeon. One is the guy that was with her," he nodded toward Megumi, "and the other was some strangely dressed whore who somehow snuck into the Emperor's bath. They think she seduced the guards, and since it looks like they were tied up with her shirt Chichiri and I are going to...um..I mean," he began stammering and looked to his friend with the funny face for help.  
"Help capture them no da!!" he put in excitedly.  
"Yeah, help capture them no da...So that means you have to stay here. They're dangerous and I don't want you-well anyway Miaka, just don't go anywhere."   
"Okay!" she answered cheerfully.  
"Good, come on Chichiri," he said.  
"Topless whore no da!" they left and closed the door behind them.  
Miaka turned around to find Megumi staring at her. "What?"  
"Nothing. that other guy was the monk?"  
"Yeah," Miaka confirmed as she walked back to her chair. "So anyway we should see about getting you some clothes."  
"Why?" Megumi asked. "You're wearing your own clothes."  
"Umm," Miaka tried uncomfortably. "They're kinda slutty, at least where I come from-"  
"You mean Catholic school girl land!" Megumi shouted and jumped up. She shook her head. "I have got to get out of here."  
"You can't," Miaka said, "you're not allowed to; you'll be stopped by guards." Then she smiled. "But that's okay, you can stay here with me."  
Megumi spun around. She couldn't leave, she had to stay with this girl? Her eyes scanned the room and fell upon a carving knife used to cut the bird Miaka'd eaten earlier. Miaka wouldn't expect anything until it was too late. And if she used a pillow to stifle her screams...  
  
  
What strange adventures await this duo? Only time can tell!  
  
"Can you tell me where the Chicken no Miko is?" a girl wearing a purple and blue ensemble asked.  
"That'd be me," Megumi replied.  
"Well. I'm Rae-chan, Mistress of Doom, Senshi to the Carp God. I have a message for you."  
"Carp god?"   
"Yes. We're on your side. Lady Yui, however, is undecided-"  
"Speaking of Yui, you wouldn't by any chance want to have sex with her?"  
  
"Who the hell are you?!," Aki screamed in delight.  
One leg came forward out of the shadows clad in a tight laced leather boot, a slim hand with long painted nails sliding up the shapely thigh. "I," A husky deep sexual voice breathed.  
"A beautiful willing woman who's skilled hands are dying to pleasure me?!," Suboshi squealed happily.  
"Not quite," the voice grumbled sulkily, obviously annoyed at being interrupted.  
"A sexy young man who will bow at my feet and call me master as I whip him   
carefully?!," Aki cried wiggling happily at the thought.  
"No! No!NO! NO! I am KitoKiri! Famous Sexual Assassin!," he explained stepping forward and bowing gracefully. He wore only a leather loincloth, and rainbow strip suspenders. His large ebony eyes were outlined in silver, a single line of it splitting his full bottom lip. His hair, died a blazing ice blue, stood in twisted spikes.  
  
Megumi opened her eyes. When had she gone to sleep? Then she remembered and jumped up.   
"Sorry about this," a voice said. "But we really didn't feel comfortable going to you." The speaker was a girl a little older than her with reddish-blonde hair. Leaning on the walls around the room were seven people in black outfits with shades on. Wait, seven....  
"Allow me to introduce myself," she continued. "I am the Skunk no Miko."  
  
"You know....that thing?!" Aki demanded jabbing a finger towards Zaharia.  
"Sure. He guards this part of the road in the off time. You have to answer his riddle or he'll make you listen to him talk for days on end. The other option is to throw yourself into the lake and be violently devoured by the serpent there." Kitokiri grinned and jabbed a thumb back in the direction of the lake.  
"Ready for the riddle?" Zaharia asked. Aki and Vanoko nodded. "I'm sweet. I'm sticky I come in all colors shapes and sizes. If you lick me I melt in your mouth. Sometimes I won't even fit in your mouth depending on how big I am. I'm hard and will shatter if you slam me against a rock. And when I'm gone I leave delicious juices in your tummy. What am I?"  
  
"Who the hell are you?!" Tasuki yelled leaping down from the bed and grabbing his tessen."My name is Soja," the silver painted lips said softly, half moaning. The ultimate telephone sex, the pure tone of a perfect pornographic tenor.  
"I think yer a flaming homo!" Tasuki explained.  
Aki looked at the snug spanky green plastic shorts that clad the pornographic invader. His garter belt was similarly green, a lighter shade that matched his ballroom gloves. He wore no shirt but had two hoop earrings through his nipples. His hair was a bright spiked lime green, and his eyes a darker jade. Lips painted a gleaming silver that matched his silver...ballet slippers....   
"I have found you at last Aki Wasabi. Together we will find the other.." he licked his painted lips clutching his waterbottle to his chest and sighing dramatically.  
"What the hell is he talking about?!" Tasuki bellowed. "Should I burn him?!"  
"No We might find out important information," Aki winked at Tasuki and he nodded stupidly looking sadly at his fan. "Please Soja, explain."  
"Take a seat! Take a seat!," he said happily gesturing at the bed as he plopped down on the floor. "Oh I do love a story about myself!!! I am after all, sooooo BANGABLE!!" Then Soja began to caress his own face, sighing, once again, dramatically.  
Aki pulled Tasuki down beside her on the bed, leaning forward to listen to Soja's tale.  
"Well, you see. I was born with the marking of a senshi, but a senshi most countries did not know existed. The slug god had marked me from birth. I had to do something with myself until my priestess showed up, so I became a dancer in the palace. I was after all SOOOO BAGNABLE!" Soja began to kiss his own hand in pure ecstasy. "But I am picky about my partner to be. The moment I loose my god forsaken virginity must be perfect!!! I prayed to the slug god to please, please send me the perfect woman to rob away my virginity. A beast of fine flexibility and originality. It was then my character began to glow and I felt very warm all over."  
"My god..." Aki mumbled eyes wide.  
"I heard a great voice speaking into my mind. 'Soja,' said that wonderful voice. 'Your destiny will bring you to a little female with no breasts.'  
"'No breasts?' I was baffled by this lack of a watermelon sized addition on any woman.   
"'She is from a place far away where women are flat as a table top. She and her dear friend, will together grant your dearest fantasy,'" Soja sighed, green eyes half closed. "You must be that woman Aki Wasabi. One of the girls that will fulfill my dream. An orgy, a threesome with two lovely ladies!"  
"Up...uhhhhh....." Aki stammered. "I'd be willing to bargain. You and Tasuki and me," she suggested.  
"WHAT?!" Tasuki bellowed.  
  
And find the true meaning of bangableness. And you thought Hotohori was bad...  
  
Miaka sat on the throne, much to Hotohori's grumbling. To the right at a table, sat Soja with a his lawyer, Reptile. To the left, Amiboshi was being defended by her precious Tamahome. Tasuki was playing the role of the bailiff, while Nuriko stood at Miaka's side to advise her. Hotohori, Chichiri, and his advisors formed the jury.   
"We are gathered here today to discus the definition of bangable and thus determine who is the most bangable!," Miaka said. "My Tama-baby love gets to talk first!" Miaka proclaimed with a giggle as Tamahome came forward.  
"Well bangable means that you get a lot of fucks with good mileage, and fast flowing oil. Basically the girl likes the style, form, and speed of your car. Since Amiboshi is now a star in the porno biz, It is evident that he's the most bangable, thus making the definition of the word equal that of slut or playboy." Tamahome gathered polite applause from the jury, except Hotohori who was sure he must be bangable, though a virgin.  
"Lizard thing, your turn," Miaka made sure to hit Tamahome on his perky ass with her judge mallet before he returned to his seat.  
"The case is that like...Soja stole all my Vaseline! Heh heh and I need it to moisturize my scaly skin! Heh heh!"  
"ENOUGH! GO EAT YOURSELF!" Soja shoved Reptile towards the back of the room.   
"I will defend Soja!" Hotohori announced flinging off his emperor robe. He wore only a simple pair of silk pants and shirt beneath. "Soja is correct in this matter. I simply can not be on the jury already leaning so heavily in his direction of thought. Bangable is the pure ravishing exterior of a divine being. Bangable is looking in the mirror and wishing you could make love to yourself as you would a woman, that is how stunning your own form is! Bangable is shinning hair, clear skin, fine bone structure, rippling pectorals, slender strong hands, long legs that have grace, and a perky pair of buns, not to mention being well endowed where it matters most! Bbangable is waking in the middle of the night and humping your reflection, or having to fight playing with yourself in public meetings!" Hotohori sat down beside Soja out of breath from his speech.   
"Tamahome?" she asked.  
"So Bangable is pure arrogance? Bangable is a narcissistic sick view of the world? Bangable has nothing to do with sex?" Tamahome asked sharply.  
"I object! Bangable has to do with sex! Sex appeal!" Hotohori yelled slamming his fist on the table.   
"My client is a porn star. How can he be less bangable then a virgin?! When he has done the bang, while Soja has only played with large quantities of Vaseline?!"  
"Your client made his way by having incestuous sex with his brother! How is that Bangable?!"  
"Silence in the court!" Miaka snapped.  
  
  
Join Aki and Megumi as they fulfill their quest beyond their wildest dreams(and you thought just the Suzaku Senshi was hot!!) and meet The Universe of the Four Gods hottest boy bands - The Carps! Be the first to hear their newest hit single- "I'm My Own Priestess."  
  
I'm my own priestess  
Senshi to the Carp  
Can't backstab after hours  
Cuz I'm my own boss  
I got seven senshi now  
And on of them is me  
Oh how strange   
It is to be  
My own priestess...  
My own senshi...  
  
So come down to Omni's Anime Haven at http://geocities.com/keiko7000/index.html and join in the strange sexual perversity!  
  



End file.
